August 19, 2023

Dearest Querents,

I write to you today, on the first anniversary of our beloved Josh Kobel.

I’m not even totally sure how to start this entry, as there is a large part of me that still doesn’t quite realize that not only is Josh gone, but also that it’s been a full year since that fateful day.

Josh had been with me for part of the week, two or three days at that point if I’m not mistaken, and he was supposed to be with me for several other days as part of our scheduled marathons.

We would get together for nearly a week, he would use a bit of his vacation time, and we would write new songs, rehearse existing ones, work on planning the videos, studio recording, filming videos, photoshoots, and various other forms of shenanigans.

We would work HARD.

Josh could keep up with my drive, and that was a crucial part of our chemistry.

Josh was infinitely capable, creative, skilled, and truly, innately talented - his soul WAS music.

He was a car that needed an engine, and I was an engine that needed a car.

“Josh sing me a melody for these words”..

“Ok..” - and he would proceed to belt out these beautiful melodies–with the delivery to match.

I wrote more of the lyrics, and he did more of the melodies. He was the Elton to my Bernie. 

This was the core of everything else - the musical synergy.

So we would get together, and we would get stuff DONE.

This trip we started out by going to the studio, and we were mixing and finalizing non-tarot songs, “Midnight Merula”, “Lord Of The Dance”, and “Siren”...

Working on that trio of songs turned out to be his last session ever in life.

“Midnight Merula” is about Hekate, but we created it in the framework of a long-form song, running 9 minutes, where we take the listener into the shadows, and dance with the darkness, - the Maiden-Mother-Crone, embodied as a Black Bird, a Merula.

Josh always had a reserved personality despite his larger than life presence.

He was a man of the stage, he had that gigantic voice, he would dance, act, and perform.

But so often he would hide away in the solitude of his private space.

He valued humility and was organically humble, yet the guy could blow your hair back with a high note that hits you in the cells of your body, while he takes you on a journey with his vibrato.

His voice was like a roller coaster ride with a lot of twists, turns, and loops.

Sydney Carter’s (1963), “Lord Of The Dance'' is derived from the circa 1848 Shaker Traditional, “Simple Gifts”, by Elder Joseph Brackett. While Simple Gifts focuses on the blessings of humility, Carter’s interpretation is much more pointedly Christian. Then in 1975, Aiden Kelly and Gywdion Pennderwen created another version, a Pagan-framed one, that still incorporated aspects of the Carter’s lyrics and form. 

Two days after he died, I was with our engineer Joey Papa, and we cued up the last mix we had from the previous session with Josh, and then there he was, loud and forward, filling the room:

“I danced on the Sabbath and then chant the spell
I danced and sang, let everyone be well
The dance is over though I'm not gone
I live in the music so I still dance on”

We were left speechless, and BAWLING our eyes out…

The third song, “Siren”, another long-form composition running 11 minutes, is one that was created in a unique and intentional way. 

Given the circumstances, it was numinous.

“Siren” was 99% improvised AND first draft.

The words came through me whole. Josh sang, and the melody was born. 

No edits whatsoever.

We came into the room with the chord progression. The rest of it just happened. 

The bass was on the fly, as were all of the other instruments...

The song is as Josh described, “a prayer meditation”.

It’s a song inspired by death, the grief of loss, and the hope of reunion; it’s also a song about acceptance, and reassurance that healing will occur.

The entirety of that follow up session was somber, reflective, filled with these bouts of gut-busting laughter and fond remembrance, as well as BIG woeful, heartbroken sadness,..

The days following his death were hollow, and like being stuck in an echo chamber.

The air was sucked out of the house, and out of our bodies.

His parents came to collect his belongings, and the entire time we were all in shock.

From there, the new chapter of the Fools’ Journey began…

At times, I was unable to find the spark to continue the work, but thankfully, the fire always got started somehow, and I would feel a surge of energy to pick myself up and carry onward.

Being the solo parent of this project-baby of ours is terrifying most of the time.

Josh and I shared a deep mutual trust and we often deferred to each other for validations, verifications, and really, for all manner of our creative processes AND business dealings.

We communicated VERY well, with honesty, sincerity, and genuine co-concern.

It messes me up sometimes when I need that co-creator second opinion and can’t get it.

I have gradually built up an inner circle of sound-board savvy individuals who also “get it”.

There are truly so many things I could write about this year, but I fear this blog post would end up as a novel,..

Maybe someday I’ll write the long version...

***sits back and thinks for a moment***

Through Josh’s passing, I have become closer with his family, and that has been a blessing.

We have made progress not only with healing personally, but also with preserving, protecting, and preparing the world for a legacy project unlike any other, with Josh up front as co-captain.

I know I’ve said this before in other posts, but the part of the story that continues to haunt me is that Josh never saw the final draft of the film. 

The date we picked to view the finale was the day after he died...

This aspect carries with it such a strange energy, I almost can’t describe it,..

I think I just wanted so badly for him to see, to truly SEE that we DID IT.

The thing everyone said we couldn’t possibly do, WE DID.

In time, once the material is released, which, by the way, IS in process, you’ll all get to know a side of Josh that you haven’t known or seen before - we created magick in musick that has been closely guarded and prepared in ways that ensures its potency has been bottled...

Once the cork is popped off, you’ll all be invited to a special world, a world of collaborative creation, and in that place, you’ll come to know the art, the methods used to create that art, and the story behind it all in great detail.

In moments like this, describing the things to come, THIS is when I miss him the most.

He became self-assured and confident through this work.

Josh was very grounded, but also, he didn’t always own his power.

Maybe that was the secret ingredient to his greatness, at least as I perceived it.

I wish that he could have received the praise he deserved in person, on this realm, while he was here, and while I know a person’s worth isn’t defined by the praise they are offered, I do know that for him, it would have restored a piece of his creative soul that he doubted and questioned.

He was so proud of our work, and he did in fact refer to it as “his greatest creative accomplishment”, and though at the time I said, “you haven’t even gotten started yet, dude.”

He wasn't wrong - it was his greatest work - we just didn’t, and wouldn’t have thought that there would be nothing more beyond his 35th year; we didn’t know this would become the fulfillment of his legacy.

***Breath***

On this day, August 19th, 2023 we celebrate the enduring LEGACY of Josh Kobel.

Remember his kind demeanor, gentle spirit, immense talent, and capacity for unconditional love. 

 

Having lived with more than my fair share of death in this life, I can say with certainty, it gets easier as time passes, and the true way to keep the flame of memory alive is to keep it burning.

Light a candle for Josh and his family, and whisper his name with a smile.

Blessings to you all on behalf of everyone at Clark & Kobel,

JC