March 21, 2O23 

Josh,

Ostara Blessings to you , my Friend.

This holiday has a bittersweetness to it for me, as this is the anniversary of my Father’s death.

He passed at first light on Spring Equinox in 2O15, and each year it still feels like a fresh wound.

There is a beauty in passing on such a day as the Winter loses it’s grip on the frozen land, 

as life returns, renewed and determined to blossom into Summer gardens of colorful splendor. 

As I sit here on this day contemplating it all, I do find joy and gratitude in the memories.

Without the losses, the gains cannot be appreciated the same, the contrast is required.

It’s all a matter of perspective and relativity.

At this time, I don’t have a lot to share in the way of our projects.

It’s in these down-times that I start to struggle.

I grasp for “things” to occupy my hands, with the intention of keeping the boulder moving.

In my personal life there has been some peace and turmoil, but what else is new  - *laughs*

As my own personal confidant you know I always have some kind of circumstances requiring attention, reflection, processing, adaptation, and of course, some outside counseling to get through it all;  I admit, I miss your always straightforward, yet balanced insights and feedback.

That’s not to say things aren’t good, in fact at times they are downright great, truly.

I don’t recall if I shared this or not in a previous letter, but back in January I started seeing 

a therapist in addition to working with Murshida Va, my mentor, whom you knew a bit personally.

Through it all I just keep on dreaming, and I keep my finger to the pulse of life.

I notice when there isn’t much productivity, it creates a bit of this *silent* trepidation in me.

I get these urges where I feel like I am always or always needing to be “ON”, in Go-Mode, and I know that in such moments it is imperative to sit with those feelings and to move with them.

It’s in moments of non-distraction that healing and meaningful insights come through..

Just like seeds push their way to the surface ready to bloom.

It all takes time and patience, even when there isn’t much visible progress.

Things are still happening, there is still listening and watching to be done, and stillness..

Stillness IS an ally to heavy duty processing and to progress - I just need to remember that.

I would love to sit and turn all of these feelings and experiences into new creations.

Eventually, you know there is going to be a song written by me about, and for you….

I did take a bit of a vow to put all new projects on hold until the existing ones are fully complete.

There is this longing in me to just keep creating, and keep creating, but I know myself,...

You would raise an eyebrow at me knowing me just as well…

I’m not ready for a new obsession just yet.

Take comfort in knowing that I often hear your voice telling me that I need to finish THIS before I start THAT - I imagine your somewhat parental tone saying it too, commanding my attention..

Great things take time… 

My mind is with you on this day of transitions.

Onward and upward,…

JC