July 8, 2O24 (Reflecting on October 2023 to July 2024)

Josh,

I imagine by now you’re done reading my last novelesque letter to you.

I wanted to break up this message into two parts because there is so much to say about the last 10 months aside from the test-screening; so much life, lots of shifts, and transformations.

So this past Autumn into Spring was ROUGH.  

Lots and lots of personal stuff; deep shadow work (as Carl Jung put it); but also an equal amount of abundant opportunities, new connections, renewed purpose, and meaningful growth.

It was definitely one of those periods of time where I would have wanted your reinforcing, reassuring, re-framing approaches - you were always really great in a crisis situation.

Without delving into the “dirty laundry” of the “what” I was going through, I wish instead, to tell you of my experiences, of our shared successes, of the whereabouts and howabouts, of our Tribe, and everything in between that I can think of without making this letter full-on scripture.

At the top of the list is that I joined ACA (Adult Children Of Alcoholics 12 Step Fellowship) back in October, and as of this writing I am 9 months into the program, and currently on Step 7 of 12.

This group is not the same as AA, or NA, in that we don’t gather because of substance abuse struggles, but instead, because we all came from dysfunctional homes, and have cultivated behaviors, responses, habits, or survival patterns that carried us into, and through Adulthood.

Behaviors, habits, patterns, and responses that do NOT serve us in living our best lives.

Being that you knew my home-life firsthand in those last few years, and witnessed some terrible things, I think you’d be thrilled about the hard work I’ve been doing in recovery to heal from it all.

I will be concluding my first round of the Steps in October - I feel proud about it, I feel healthy.

I admit that as much as I always think about you on a daily basis, while I was “knee-deep-in-it” this past Winter season, I couldn’t really find the spark inside of me to connect with you more directly (well, as far as one *can* directly connect with one beyond the veil, but we’ll leave that stuff for another time and place) - for what it’s worth, a few times, when in a particular kind of moment, I did reach out to “tap into you” for strength and some of that classic “Joshie the Cancerian” magick - the compassionate, listening, reflective, squish monster that you were.

Things are better now, it took some work, but really, life’s good.

Beyond that, my business is thriving; I’ve obtained and secured titled positions as a Music Therapist for community care centers for individuals (adults and children) with special needs.

I do this gig multiple times a week, it pays very well, I love the people we serve, it’s FUN, and totally musically interesting and expanding - I’m learning so many new songs doing this work.

I’m not even seeking out these jobs, my name keeps getting passed around and they come to me, which is FANTASTIC - it means I’m really becoming a “go-to-guy” for this kind of work.

It’s been great, deeply fulfilling, and honestly, something you’d be amazing at.

I’d bring you in as a guest in a heartbeat, then I’d bring you back again and again.

You were a true “people person” - attentive, observant, patient, and creative.

Things at home are peaceful, stable, flowing, productive, and prosperous between Oberik and I.

He still has that painting of you (the one I mentioned in earlier letters) hanging on the wall, and your boots, hat, sunglasses, and (yes), your ponytail all still adorn the wallspace of our home.

I’ve said it before, but it’s true - we speak of you all the time, everyone does, and it’s a vibe.

I am catching myself “listing” at you - ok, so let’s go deeper…

Things are really, truly amazing, Josh.

Your family is doing well -  your parents are healthy and active; your sister Lora is doing “Wonka” with The Twin Valley Players at the Colonnade (your home-theater); I saw Scott and Samantha  (aka“Frenchy and The Punk”) randomly while in Salem in June, and they were thrilled to hear that the film is starting to come alive - we reminisced about you for a few moments; and otherwise, everyone is thriving - we are a fortunate community in that regard. 

In a few weeks I’ll be seeing Elspeth and Nybor for a quick visit before I head to upstate New York for the Sankofa and Sirius Rising festivals at Brushwood; I last saw her in January.

That just reminded me that I didn’t tell you about my 40th Birthday Walkabout.

As you know, I always take about a month off for my birthday; well this year I went to New Orleans with a dearest friend for 5 days; followed by a New England excursion to see Lady Tiana at The Temple Of S.O.P.H.I.A., and Gypsy Ravish for two different Solstice celebrations.

When I got back to New Jersey it was Christmas Eve, so I kept it low key at home, at which point I made my way out for the long haul through Pennsylvania (of course I visited your parents, and spent time at your grave), down to North Carolina for visits with my OG friends Ashely (and her man, Chris), and Matt Holley, then onward to Florida.

I had so many adventures, Josh;  I saw a Tesla rocket launch near Cocoa Beach, went to the Salvador Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, chased Dolphins on a booze-cruise, went dancing at 

The Castle (Goth nightclub) in Ybor City (Tampa), explored tropical parks, wandered pristine Gulf-side beaches, and connected with many beloved friends, family, and tribe along the way.

On my way back I saw Oberon and his (then fiance, Rhiannon) near Asheville, North Carolina - I finally showed him the film and he was FLOORED - once again, your life and gifts were praised.

And the last stop on the trip was to visit Grandmother Elspeth (where I also picked up a box of her relics to be donated to The Buckland Museum Of Witchcraft in Cleveland, Ohio), and that brings us back to above where I mentioned that I’ll be seeing her soon, which I look forward to,

It was the most perfect medicine for the Winter darkness I was tangled up in.

When I look back on the last twelve or so months, I can contentedly and confidently say that I left a lot of dead weight, toxic deposits, and trauma behind me, and in their place, I have adopted and implemented better ways of engaging with the world, developed and nurtured compassion-driven relationships, earned access to higher caliber networks, upgraded resources, and am embodying an improved and enhanced perspective life-view approach.

It’s been a haul, trust me (I know you’ve been watching anyway, and probably giggling at me).

Silly mortals with their challenges, their struggles, their dramas - (keep on giggling, you Goof)

I would surmise and encapsulate the current intention and vibe with the following three words…

Onward and upward,...

JC